Sarah Millican is fast becoming one of my favourite stand up comics. She is funny, witty, down to earth and surprisingly honest.
I found this in this months Glamour magazine had to share it... I was laughing out loud reading it!
12 Steps to Surviving a Family Christmas.
1.
Very early on, cultivate a reputation for being a terrible cook. Then you'll just be put in charge of the serviettes. Someone else will slave over the cooker for five hours, while you'll make six paper swans and be a hit.
2. If you're visiting family, wait outside in the car until you can smell gravy.
3. Always check with parents about what's an appropriate present for their child. I don't have kids and sought advise from a friend on what to buy a baby girl. She said "Something she can grown into." I bought her a bra.
4. Go to the toilet in pairs. If you are left alone with you bloke's family, the "why aren't you married yet?' questions start. And judging by the volume you drank last year, that's
a lot of questions.
5.Always take a cardigan, as it's rude to tell people to turn up the heating. (the opposite is the case with my family. We usually end up sitting in string vests.)
6. Watch award ceremonies to help you lie when opening presents. But clapping at you new socks and saying ' well done, Kate Winslet'
will give the game away.
7. Make you parents argue one Christmas - you might end up having two Christmas dinners the following year.
8. If your not an arguing family, put
Eastenders on and join in.
9. Take you time over opening presents. Unless there is children in the family, the whole thing will be over in four minutes.
10.Join in with activities but remember you're with blood relations. I always sit
Oops Upside Your Head out; it feels wrong to be vaginally close to family members.
11. Plan you escape; always have arrangements for the evening. its amazing how many pantos you can see if you're willing to drive for a 30 mile radius. We travel to where the Daleks are appearing. they make my fella more happy than i ever could!
12. But most of all, remember that it is spending time with you that makes your family happy, not necessarily what you bring. Unless you come to my house - I
love presents.
You can find more information, tour dates and a blog from Sarah at:
http://www.sarahmillican.co.uk/home.html
http://sarahmillican.blogspot.com/
You can also follow Sarah on Twitter;
@sarahmillican75
