Saturday, 22 December 2012

Day Twenty Two - If you really knew me....

I saw Sian's post tonight and it hit a cord with me.

If you really knew me, in real life, would your opinion be different?

So here goes....

If you really knew me you'd know that I have have suffered from depression since I was 14. You'd know that I don't really know who I am because meds make me subduded and no meds make me fragile.

If you really knew me you'd know that my biggest fear is being alone. You'd know that I need security. I need reassurance. That I'm terrified that one day my boyfriend will leave me and I'll be alone forever.

If you really knew me you'd know that I long to me a mother. You'd know the that the multiple miscarriages I have suffered took me to the brink. But you'd also know that I am not mentally or physically ready.

If you really knew me you'd know that if I'm your friend I'll be there for life. I'll take you in to my heart. You'll become my family and I'd do anything to make sure that your happy and it will break my heart to see you upset.

If you really knew me you'd know that I have hope. That one day all my insecurities will no longer matter. You'd know that the hope I have makes me smile and gets me through each day. You'd know that I am stronger that what this life throws at me and that I'll fight until my last breath.

10 comments :

  1. Love you babe, so, so much x x

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  2. Wow, this brought a tear to my eye. I love your final point, hope is so powerful. You are an incredibly strong person. I really think posts where people talk candidly about mental health and fertility problems are a huge positive force in the world.

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    1. Thanks Sian! Without your post I would have never had been able to write it!

      T x

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  3. What an amazing post. You are wonderful, Toni, and I love you lots! xx

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    1. Thank you Caroline. Can't wait to see you again! Love you took x

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  4. All of these would only make me want to be your friend more. We're very similar people it would appear.
    You're lovely! xx

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    1. Thank you. I can't wait to see you at Plus North again, if you can make it! X

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  5. Hats off to you lady. The courage it takes to bare your soul to the world is huge. It's blogs like yours that inspired me with mine. Xx

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  6. Very nice blog.

    Always remember we just want live to fight on another day. And fight the good fight.

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